God is doing something. There is no doubt about it! With my internship coming up in only a few weeks, God is already starting to prepare me. The question is whether I will learn from and embrace His discipline, or fight it.
Something happened today which was definitely not in my plans. Actually it threw off all my plans. I made a mistake, and definitely paid for it.
God, what are you trying to teach me? I know that I have a hard time when my plans are disrupted. Well, not just a hard time, I usually crumble. Especially in this situation, it is very hard for me to not continually blame myself and over-think things to the point of psychological overload. I know these things about myself, so why does God have me deal with them?
When something like this has happened in the past couple months my mom has always told me, "God knows you struggle with this. And during your internship you will definitely be in situations where things don't go your way! I think He's being gracious by making you aware of your weaknesses now."
Ok, God, then what am I supposed to learn from this? I obviously have to realize that only you hold things in your hands, and trust you with everything. But how do I make that truth my own?
These were the things going through my mind this afternoon. And then, out of the blue, I started instinctively singing the verse to a song we sang at church this morning.
When peace like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It suddenly dawned on me what I was reciting! That is what God is teaching me. When life is peaceful, and when life is full of chaos; whatever happens, it is well with my soul. God is still in control! My mistakes or my faulty plans don't really matter in the long run. Jesus is still Lord. And nothing is changing that any time soon!
Continue to teach me, Lord, so that I may walk even closer with you.